All services are free and confidential.
Todos los servicios son gratis y confidenciales.
Need help? Call our 24-hour hotline at 800-247-7273. If you are in immediate danger call 911.
Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by a partner to maintain power and control over another partner in a relationship. Domestic violence includes multiple forms of abuse, including: physical, emotional, sexual, and economic. Look at this power and control wheel to understand how someone gains and maintains power and control in a relationship by clicking here.
It is not marital conflict, a lover’s quarrel, or just a private family matter. It is a serious social problem. The abuser may be a spouse, ex-spouse, dating partner, ex-partner, or any other intimate relationship. Abuse and violence are learned behaviors.
The information below describes examples of the difference between healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships.
|Responsibilities are shared between both partners.||Responsibilities are not equally distributed.||One partner has all the responsibilities but no authority.|
|Your partner is supportive of your relationships with family and friends.||Your partner is reluctant to let you have a relationship with your family and friends.||One partner does not allow the other to maintain close relationships with family and friends.|
|The relationship is based on equal power and commitment.||One or both partners feel unheard or poorly treated.||One partner uses a systematic pattern of behavior to control and exercise power over the other.|
|Both partners exhibit honest and accountable behavior.||One or both partners uses secrets/lies to hide their behaviors.||One partner will not take responsibility for their own behavior and blames the other for their actions.|
|Problem solving is done through communication and fair negotiation.||Partners are unable to negotiate to solve problems.||Problems are solved using threats and coercion.|
|Partners respect each others beliefs and values.||Partners disagree about their different or conflicting values and beliefs often.||One partner is disrespectful of and criticizes the others values and beliefs.|
|Conflicts are communicated and lead to mutually acceptable resolution.||Bickering occurs, conflict remains unresolved and is continually brought back up.||Conflict is "resolved" by one partner deciding the solution, usually in a demeaning way.|
|Economic partnership.||Mutual disagreements over finances.||One partner controls all economic decisions and resources.|
|Parenting responsibilities are shared between both partners.||Parenting roles and responsibilities are difficult to determine.||One partner uses the children as a weapon against the other.|
|Both partners openly trust and support one another.||Lack of trust between partners.||One partner regularly distorts the truth.|
|Both partners exhibit mutual respect and acceptance of each other.||Partners blame each other for relationship problems.||One partner uses criticism and humiliation to reinforce the other partners shame and guilt.|
|Partners are understanding and supportive of each other.||Partners are indifferent to each other’s feelings.||One partner withholds approval or affection.|
If you answer yes to some or all of these questions, we hope you will consider talking with one of our advocates to learn more about resources available to you.